According to the story I was told, my father just woke up one morning and decided that he no longer wanted to be married. I say 'According to the story I was told...', because I haven't heard his side of the story. I don't think that our rekindled relationship is at a point where such questions are appropriate. That sounds very plausible though. It seems like something he would do.
Over half of the marriages in this country end up like this. But why? Why can't couples seem to stay married these days. I think I have the answers people. Gather round:
#1 WHAT'S THE RUSH?
When you marry a person, things are never the same. Everything that they do effects you. And everything that you do effects them. You will have to put up with each others bullshit(unless you're a runner. More on that later). You will likely have to put your heads together and determine the best way to raise a child. Don't you think that you should take the time to get to know that person? Their likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, dreams and ambitions. Whether or not the fold under pressure and meet it head-on. If they are reckless with money or frugal. If they are all about family or all about themselves. Whether or not thy are the jealous type or not. There is no way you can gather that information in 6 month. Or even a year. That is the type of information that you can only get after at LEAST 2 years. I believe that if people would just slow down and make sure that they are compatible with their mate, there would be far less divorces in this country. That is not to say that there is no hope out there for all you 6-month wonder couples out there and that you are headed for divorce court. Only that you would have improved your chances of success by waiting.
#2 PEOPLE DON'T TAKE MARRIAGE SERIOUSLY
In a country where millions of people tune in to watch 'Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?', 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette', we have turned marriage from a sacred institution into a commodity. A good. Something with little value. Here's the truth: If you don't have children, your marriage should be your number one priority. Nit your career, or your hobbies or your Sunday night basketball league. Your marriage! That's not to say that you shouldn't do any of those things. But hopefully you are with a person who realizes that just because you can't go to that event that they want you to go to because you are working late or because of that championship basketball game, that that doesn't mean that it is more important than your marriage. How do you know if you have a person like that? See #1!
#3 PEOPLE RUN AWAY WHEN TIMES GET HARD
I said earlier that we have turned marriage into a good. And like any good, if it's broken or not working the way we expect, we just return it or exchange it for another. How about we have some patience and see if we can repair it? No one is perfect. People make mistakes. But the key is working past it and moving on, not giving up and throwing in the towel. For some reason, people have gotten into their heads that marriage is easy. That you get married and it's smooth sailing after that. Nothing could be further for the truth. Marriage is a full-time job. And when it gets tough, you put in your mouthpiece and come out swinging.
I'm not an expert by any means. Just my thoughts, people.
HIP HOP LYRIC OF THE DAY:
without the braids/I'm the closest thing to O'dog
8 comments:
You are a man of many contradictions.
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#4. People get married for the wrong reasons. It is not about love. It's about commitment. Period. Love is too changable a thing to base a marriage on, unless you view divorce as an option. If you are in it for life, it has be about something less changeable than love. I am not saying that love and respect are not key. They are. But there is a reason that people make vows to God and not to each other. It's harder to lie to God than to your spouse (not that people don't lie to God everyday, but thats another issue). At the end of the day, alot of divorced couples still LOVE each other. They may love each other differently, but they still LOVE each other. They just decided they were no longer committed to bettering themselves and perfecting their union.
Are you married, anonymous? Not that it would make any of your points more or less valid.
So what's you solution? Should people live together first and grocery shop like married people, pay bills like married people, do all the things married people do without the paper. Because it's the paper that changes things not the people. And once the two people realize that it isn't going to work out the pain of the split isn't as painful as say the pain of divorce because even though you have to split everything like a married and decide who gets what, at least you guys can say good thing we weren't married. You say half of marriages end in divorce, that number is even higher for couples that live together first.
No. My solution is to 'realize that it's not going to work out' before you get married and then...don't.
I'll t's easy for me to say, but it's the truth. In my opinion, the list of valid reasons to get a divorce is really short. Also, I'm not sure how to grocery shop like a married person or pay bills like a married person. Isn't it the same as grocery shopping and paying bills like a couple who co-habitates? And you're right, in most cases it is the paper that changes things. Not sure why. If you have a healthy relationship with a person, and are getting what you feel you need from that person and vice verse, the why would you act differently, or expect them to act differently, just because you got married? (that's a rhetorical question)
And you didn't answer my question. I'll just chalk that one to selective reading.
Anonymous 1/20/09 @ 3:39pm is not married.
Well, First I just want you to know how excited I am for you. Secondly you are a great writer with a lot of insight! As for me I agree, Marriage is not EASY, by any means. I'm going on my 5th year and through the years I've faced many challenges. It's sad the way the world looks at Marriage. People take it for granted and make a total mockery of it. Marriage is a sacred institution created by GOD and is not to be taken lightly but you'd think it was just "something to do" the way its portrayed. Well, I'm just glad to know that there is someone else on this earth who has similar views as my husband and I do. Thanks for sharing your story with the world, I'm sure it'll help someone who is confused.
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